


christmas doesn't feel like what it should be.

by NAMELESSLY



Series: DESPONDENT. dsmp works. [5]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Betrayal, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Exile, Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Suicide, Lonely TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, One Shot, President Toby Smith | Tubbo, Short One Shot, Sleepy Bois Inc Angst, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo Misses TommyInnit, TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, Trauma, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28859280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NAMELESSLY/pseuds/NAMELESSLY
Summary: tommy gets invited back to l’manberg from exile for one night. he thought he’d feel a lot more festive about the holidays if he was back home, but he doesn’t.inspired by a comic made by @Shmeckdoesstuff on twitter! they're a super great artist :D
Relationships: Dream SMP Ensemble & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) & Other(s), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: DESPONDENT. dsmp works. [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2105724
Comments: 8
Kudos: 169





	christmas doesn't feel like what it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> //tw slight reference to suicide; check tags for more warnings.

**_— “christmas doesn’t feel like what it should be.”_ **

at the heart of l'manberg, stood a big christmas tree. it was there to celebrate the holidays and festivities that would come about in their nation. for the first time in forever, tommy finally got the chance to see l’manberg again. just for christmas eve. upon his return, he never would have imagined that the christmas tree would look this big and bright. 

in the past, never was there a tree that big that lived long enough to overcome the creepers that would writhe among the thick bushes, or to overcome the chaos tommy would ensue throughout the country. annoying, loud, obnoxious- tommy always managed to cause an explosion or set something on fire and bother those who surrounded him. back then, it was all for jokes and laughs. but now, that was the very reason why he had gotten exiled from the country he built ground up with his very hands, alongside wilbur.

and now, with two feet standing tall, tommy was back. temporarily.

he came back to a country reformed for the better. he came back to a country in which no disturbances such as himself inhabited. and this happened for the sole reason that tommyinnit was not present.

angry, sad, confused- no longer did words such as  _ "annoying" _ or  _ "abrasive" _ were used to describe tommy. all that had remained in his fragile shell of a body were emotions he couldn't comprehend the meaning behind. everything surrounded the fact that his absence from the country was made beneficial. it meant that if it weren't for him even being  _ born _ , none of which were related to war, government takeovers and countless disputes... would exist. at all.

sometimes, he laughed at himself for how much of a shitty kid he was, always giving everyone crap whenever the opportunity arose. and now that shitty kid is practically on his way to losing his last life. it made sense. besides, he deserved it, didn't he?

the boy who once had a place to call home, a family to rely on and friends and allies who he knew he could trust- turned into the boy that everyone didn't need after all.

_ hah... what a fucked up way to go out, huh, wilbur?  _ tommy let out a weak chuckle as he continued to stare at the brilliant lights that blinked endlessly on the spruce tree.  _ not like you went out any better. _

tommy was only a dirty stain in the canvas where everything was painted so colorfully- so merry and vibrant, as opposed to his pitiful form. he could hear the faint chatter of  ~~ his friends ~~ the people of l'manberg celebrating and getting hilariously drunk of joy inside the cozy cabin.

the only thing tommy didn't expect was to hear the voice of  ~~ his best friend ~~ the president.

"big man?"

a cold breeze blew through the stilts of l'manberg, blowing specks of snow off of the surfaces of the christmas tree's evergreen leaves, onto the brown sturdy wooden floors. tommy felt a slight shiver, but paid no real mind to it.

"it's cold outside, you know... aren't you gonna go inside with the others?"

it's not like he could face them the same way anymore. he can't saunter inside that cabin and talk to them as if they've never decided to exile him in the first place. he should hate them.

"...you're not talking as much anymore, huh.”

he... he  _ should _ hate them..!  _ why can’t i- _

“i'm sorry."

_ you stupid idiot… why the hell are you apologizing to me?  _ tommy wanted to break right then and there.  _ it was me. i was the one who fucked up and not you. it was never you- _

“i know you didn't want to see me.”

tommy gripped the sleeve of his brown patchy coat- it barely even provided a sufficient amount of warmth.  _ i did… i’ve wanted to see you for so,  _ **_so_ ** _ long, tubbo. _ the emotions that swirled around in his stomach made him feel sick. the feelings he had kept bottled up for so long wanted so badly to escape. but his face still remained cold and neutral, void of any life. his vocal cords refused to function and his line of sight was stuck on the twinkling gleams of the christmas tree.

“...i-i'll go now."

and the dam broke. as soon as his best friend left, the dam  _ fucking _ broke. he’s so damn stubborn- still acting like a “big man” even after the course of all these unfortunate events. tommy didn’t want to cry in front of tubbo. tommy didn’t want to look weak in front of tubbo. that was just the type of person tommy is- he refused to take anyone’s pity. icy tears fell down cold, pale face, stinging the bruises he had on his cheeks. 

in the end, it was only tommy and the christmas tree.

**Author's Note:**

> follow my twitter! --> @namelesslyyy  
> feel free to interact, haha <3
> 
> and follow @Shmeckdoesstuff on twitter! this work was inspired by them c:


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